Disenchanted
by ForeverFalling86
Summary: I've turned my back on them one too many times and I'm just not worth saving anymore.
1. Saying Sorry

A/N: Hey so this is a one shot, though I suppose it might have the potential to become a two shot. Anyways I wrote this while I was supposed to be working on a french project and inspiration just hit me! Its not all that good but Oh well. Don't forget to review!

* * *

Kai stared into the mirror at his own reflection, disgusted by what he saw. He was a traitor, a good for nothing, and a waste of life. He had no purpose; Dranzer was gone from the world leaving him all alone.

Everyone had told him it was alright, that he had been forgiven but he could see the hate and distain in their eyes as they looked at him.

They were just as disgusted with him as he was.

He had turned his back on them one time too many and now there was no going back, he was too far gone. No one could save him now even if they had wanted to. Kai shifted his gaze from his reflection to the blade he held in his grasp.

His arms and wrists were covered in half healed and still bleeding cuts. He brought the blade to his skin and dragged his down the length of his arm reveling in the pain. He found that the cutting distracted him from the pain in his heart.

The pain of being abandoned and alone again; of being left to waste away in the shame and regret.

As the crimson liquid ran down his arm and pooled in the sink Kai once again looked at himself. He had dark bruise like circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and his cheek bones stuck out from losing so much weight.

The blue tattoos along his cheeks made his skin look even paler then it was and he'd somehow managed to get a smudge of blood on one of them. If anyone had seen him they would have realized how pitiful he truly was, although he'd tried to hide it for so long.

Now he had no use for his mask of coldness.

He wouldn't need it where he was going.

The others might only hate him more for what he was going to do, they'd think him weak. They'd say he was a coward for taking the easy way out instead of facing them, and they were right.

He dragged the blade across his other arm, breathing through the wonderful pain. He could hear the phone ringing in the distance, but he ignored it. People had been calling non-stop since he'd distanced himself from everyone nearly one mouth ago. They'd even come banging on his door.

No doubt they wanted to yell at him and let him know how much they hated him. They'd never forgive him; he had realized that a while ago. But he didn't deserve to be forgiven anyway.

He'd done so many horrible things to his so called 'friends' that there was only one way he could ever repay them: with his life. Maybe someone out there would miss him; maybe even a few tears would be shed at his funeral. Only time would tell.

He needed to get away from everyone, from life, but most of all his own thoughts. He could stay away from everyone all he wanted but he could never escape himself. He couldn't take the nightmares anymore.

Reliving the death of his parents, his beatings at the hands of Boris, or the looks of hate upon the people he had once trusted.

He just couldn't do it anymore.

He wanted to be free from it all, to escape this cage people called living.

About a week after he'd locked himself in his house he'd discovered his own key in the form of a blade. It was hard to believe such a small thing could hold so much power over his worthless life.

It was time to end it, time for him to fly away and join Dranzer in the azure skies. He'd see his parents again, although they'd be disappointed in him for ending his life in such a manner.

He closed his eyes; he was just so tired, so very tired.

How he longed to fall asleep and never wake; to slip into an eternal slumber. But soon he'd be free. He dragged the blade deeply across his wrists and watched as the blood flowed from the slits.

He felt a few tears slide down his cheeks as he slid to the floor and waited to fall into death's cold grasp. The phone was ringing again and he wondered how long it would be until someone found him.

Not for a while he knew; no one would think to check on him. No one cared. Everything his grandfather had said was right; he was just a burden to everyone, he didn't deserve to live. The only thing he deserved was death; his place was no longer among the living.

He was beginning to feel light headed as he sprawled out along the cold tile floor, it would be over soon. How he longed to fly away from all of this, to just leave it all behind and be at peace.

He pulled a small note from his pocket and grasped it firmly in his hand._ 'I'm sorry'_ was all it read.

He realized he would never see his 'friends' again, they'd move on without him. Time would pass and soon they'd forget him, and that was what he wanted; for them to just go on as if he'd never existed.

He would no longer be there to keep Tyson in line or to help Ray control everyone. He'd never see Max's goofy smile again.

Tala.

He'd never stare into those icy blue eyes again or see his wolfish grin. He'd miss them, but at the same time he hoped he wouldn't be seeing them for a long while. One day they'd all be together again and hopefully by then they'd have forgiven him.

But until then he would watch over them and guard their lives. When he finally saw them again they could tell him about all he had missed and how happy their lives had been.

His vision was starting blur, and the darkness was creeping up on him. Death would except him even if no one else would. In death he'd be welcomed with open arms.

He could feel his pulse slowing, his lungs failing him and he could no longer move. The blackness over took him.

"Forgive me," he whispered as he flew to his freedom.

--

The phone continued ringing as Kai lay on the floor, crimson unseeing eyes wide as the blood pooled around his body. The beep of the message machine rang through the house

_"Kai its me. We're all really worried about you! You won't answer your door or pick up the phone and its starting to scare me. Don't do this to your self; don't shut us out like this. Its okay we forgive you. We did the moment you came back to us. I miss you, we all do. Call me back okay? I'll talk to you soon. Bye."_

* * *

So that was it, it wasn't great but I enjoyed writing it! Don't forget to R&R

Yours Truly,

ForeverFalling.


	2. Saying Goodbye

A/N: I finally got around to a second chapter. Don't own Beyblade.

* * *

It was a beautiful service, many people would say after the fact. But, I disagree. There is nothing beautiful about death and saying goodbye.

The rain was gently pounding against the headstones and I could feel the water running down my face, mingling with the tears. Kai was gone. I had to wonder if he'd ever gotten my message or had I been too late?

Or maybe, he was too far gone to care. Either way I had failed him as a friend. We all had. It didn't matter that we had told him repeatedly that we had forgiven him. That everything would be back to normal soon.

We should have seen the pain in his eyes, the horrible suffering. Really, we'd all see it; we just chose to ignore it.

What terrible people we are.

It took us two days to find him; we had finally decided to take action. Too little to late as they say. I had gone into the bathroom only to see him lying there in a pool of his own blood on the cold tile floor. I don't think I'll ever get those images out of my mind. They'll haunt me until the day I die and part of me wants to remember.

To make me suffer for my mistakes and failures.

We were supposed to be like brothers, bonded for life. We could tell each other everything and anything. But, where was I when it truly counted? I'm _disgusted _with myself, looking in the mirror for the first time after finding him had actually made me physically ill.

In his hand was a simple note, "I'm sorry" it read. Did you really think so poorly of yourself? Did you really feel so alone Kai that you resorted to suicide? So completely and utterly alone? You're sorry...hadn't you realized we'd forgiven you?

Did you die thinking we all hated you?

The very thought makes my tears fall faster. I don't want you to be alone, but even in death you were. I wish I had been there to hold your hand and to guide you through it. To tell you everything would be okay. Did you regret it as you felt your life slipping away? Were you scared?

Oh God I hope you weren't.

Did you think about me, about all of us and what we'd think? I bet you thought you were doing us a favour. If you only knew Kai, if you only knew how much we'd all miss you. The priest is saying something about this being a sad day.

Understatement of the year. You know the press had a field day about this right? They were everywhere; actually I think they're waiting at the main gate of the cemetery for us. Can't they let us say goodbye in peace?

I think you broke Ian, Kai.

I thought I'd let you know.

He hasn't said or eaten anything in days. You were his older brother and he looked up to you. Spencer hasn't smiled since we found you and Bryan...I don't think he'll ever be the same. He saw you as a rock, no matter what happened you were there.

But, now you're not; so what are we to do? Move on? Everyone has been saying that since we found you, "It's time to move on." But Kai, I don't want to leave you behind. All alone again. I can just see you in my mind's eye waving goodbye as we all live on and grow old together and you'll become something of the past.

Something to be forgotten.

I look up as Max's sobs echo in my ears as they're carried on the wind. Ray is gripping his shoulder tightly from behind him. Tyson is just standing there and I don't think it's sunken in for him yet.

That you're not coming back this time.

That at the last moment when we all truly need you, you won't appear with a smirk on your face to save the day. I look up into the cloudy sky as I wonder, "Are you happy now?"

The priest is finishing up his eulogy. The air is filled with the sound of sobs as the sky cries along with us all. I know you thought everyone hated you, but if so why is everyone here? Even people I don't think you bothered to learn the names of turned up.

The entire blading community took your death as a heavy blow. You should hear the fan girls. Everyone is leaving now and I walk up to read your stone. It's nothing special. Your name, birth date and death date. I made sure to have you buried next to your parents; I thought you'd like that.

* * *

Almost everyone is gone now and I'm the last one left.

The cemetery is quite beautiful, peaceful even for a place that holds such sadness for so many people. The grass is a lush green and the wind goes through the trees that dot the area and cast some of the stones into shadows.

Kai's is under a fall coloured maple and as the wind blows, the leaves slowly float down to earth. Flowers surround the area, many with cards to accompany them. Small notes like: We'll miss you, gone but not forgotten and rest in peace.

The rain is coming down harder now and I think it's fitting. I sigh as I run a hand through my hair and hesitantly turn to leave. In the end I wind up sitting on one of the benches that are scattered through the cemetery.

Memories fill my mind. Sad ones, vague ones, and some that make me burst into laughter.

"TALA!"

I turn around at the sound of my name to find Bryan waiting for me by the small gate that divides the cemetery and the dirt drive down to the main entrance. He's looking pale and tired but there's a bit of that old spark in his eyes. Maybe the closure had done him some good.

"I'm coming," I call back as I stand and brush off my pants.

"Well, this is it Kai," I whisper to the stone. I now have to face a world without him and suddenly it seems so dark. I pull a familiar blade from my pocket, although the image of a soaring phoenix has disappeared from it.

"I'll miss you."

And with that I head back over to Bryan. So we can start living again, no matter how hard it will be. Because no matter how much you wish for it, the world never stops and life goes on.

* * *

Thanks for reading, don't forget to review

Yours Truly,

ForeverFalling.


End file.
